It would be a far stretch to imagine there are people in this world who’ve done everything right from the day they were born. Made all the right moves, never treated another being harshly — in any way. We’ve all done things to ourselves and others that we’re not proud of, perhaps downright ashamed of. The bad things stick with us so we can do better in the future.
Though learning from past transgressions is only part of the path to a more enlightened person. Sometimes it’s our personality, or lack thereof, that gets in the way — lack of self worth, pessimism, dishonesty, narcissism, poor manners, back-stabbing, perpetual fear of change… there are so many things that could be holding you back.
Here are my tips for becoming a better you from this day forward:
1. Learn to love YOU
And then tell yourself something you love about yourself at least three times a day — just like breakfast, lunch and dinner! It doesn’t have to be grandiose. You love your eyes, hair, nose, body. Or you love your mind; you love that you love others.
2. Your mistakes and pitfalls are your fault
Even if someone has thrown a wrench into your life’s plan, making excuses and playing the blame game will only make you angry and bitter. Find a way to put the blame on you and resolve ways to prevent similar problems in the future. When you’re at fault, you have the ability to learn from things.
3. Learn anger management
Everyone gets angry. Perpetually angry people also get high blood pressure, heart disease, autoimmune diseases, etc. They also make lots of enemies as they track through life. Let yourself feel it in the moment, but don’t let it fester.
4. Forgive — yourself and others!
Resenting yourself or others is no way to go through life. You have to let go or it’ll eat you alive.
5. Let go of your passive self
This won’t apply to everyone, but probably a lot of you. Being passive makes others walk all over you and usually to you feeling anger and resentment, and making excuses much more often than is healthy. Be direct, learn to say no when it suits you. Communicate your thoughts in a direct manner and never beat around the bush or agree with people when you don’t.
6. Do things for people
Hold a door open for someone, buy everyone at the office coffee or treats once in a while, offer to carry a little old lady’s heavy bags when you see her struggling her way home from the market. Not everyone will show appreciation, but many will. Best, you know you did something good for another human being and that’s a real tangible when it comes to loving oneself.
7. Listen before you talk
I’ll paraphrase a saying that I’ve heard several times throughout life: “listening is the greatest gift you can give someone.” True, some people just want to hear themselves talk and don’t really care if you’re listening or not. Those types do exist and you’ll likely go out of your way to avoid them in the future, but still try to lend your ear to as many people as you can — especially, but not limited to, friends and family.
8. Be trustworthy
Whether in life or business, show fealty to your friends, family and acquaintances. Be someone whose word can be taken at face value. When you say you’ll do it, do it! Don’t be two-faced and don’t break your word because something/someone better has come along.
9. Give before asking to receive
The old saying goes “it is better to give than receive.” However, I’m not talking about spending Christmas at the local soup kitchen every year. Don’t be someone who’s always taking, taking, taking. If you want people to respect you, you need to be the giving type at least 50% of the time; though aiming higher won’t kill you. If you’re asking for a favor, always try to think of something you can offer before hand. Bring your boss a fresh cup of their favorite coffee before asking for next Monday off. Hey, most men take a woman to dinner before asking her to marry her, right?
10. Smile
It won’t wreck your face. Promise! And, yes, sometimes you have to force it but there is magic in your smile.
Read this aloud to yourself whenever you don’t have the inspiration to open your mouth and show those pearly whites:
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Share your own personal and professional development tips in the comments!
